showing question #87
question from John Delaney
philip why oh why does water come out of my eyes when i try to force things into them? such as pasties and wine gums
I’m not a doctor, but on advise from, wait for it, a doctor, it appears you suffer from a rare form of childhood trauma. Possibly related to having a favourite toy swallowed by a beastly lawn mower, or having a fridge crush a parent.
Once the cause of your eye-water is known, it can be stopped over a period of time, by slowly reducing the amount of savoury and confectionery goods you stuff into the visual mini-caves slapped on to the front of your bloated head.
After years of reductions, the final steps are bacon bits and Nerds, you can stop bloody stuffing things in your eyes, you freak!
Ahem.