mousehands : ask philip

It’s the heppest thing in the tri-counties, never mind the street!

For those too uncool to be in the loop, eyebrow combing is scouring celebrity eyebrows in search of rare or valuable treasure. Armed with only a rake, metal detector and theodolite, daring hunters go in search of shiny objects buried deep in the hirsute forehead underliners.

In just the last few days, the following hauls of goodness have been uncovered: In Samuel L Jackson’s left brow was spotted the Elgin marbles, Mr R Snugget of Nottingham found a signed copy of Mein Kampf in Condaleeza Rice’s furry eye curtains and this very morning JP2’s kissing-lips were peacefully exhumed from Jeremy Irons’ hairy underscores.

Universally recognised as the finest spoils ever to come from a bushy peeper-protector was found by Ms Julie Baptisermat in the heady days of 1964, when she found the set used for faking the moon landings slipped nonchalantly in a box of hair left over from JFK’s assassination, tucked neatly inside what was left of the dead president’s sticky monobrow. A fine booty indeed, and we salute you, Ms B.