mousehands : ask philip

showing question #107

question from Stelios Mandela

Every morning at sunrise for the last eighty-two years, I make my path down to the black moors, where I set about polishing our villages silk statue of Brian Ferry. My work is largely unappreciated, but I enjoy it nonetheless.
My question is this, how can I best go about improving the sheen around his genitalia? we like to make the effort for when the former Roxy front man comes to stay.

Brian Ferry is a particular man. Not to say that is is a specific person in an actual body, we know he is this. Rather, he is a man of standards. A man of grace, charm and a rather 18th century idealism regarding tableware.

I am happy you went to such detail, as most of it was largely superfluous. Like a badger with a really nice pistol, or a politician with a conscience.

This is a question about silk. Silk is this: The Devil’s Fabric. And what does the devil like? He likes nectarines. What do apricots have? Furry skin. What else has furry skin? Mink. What are mink bred for? To make expensive coats. Where do you go for expensive cleaning? A dry cleaners.

This is your answer. Get the statue dry cleaned, and Mr Ferry will be most pleased.

This question was asked on 30 July 2002 and answered at an unknown time.