mousehands : ask philip

Common decency says the best thing, the only thing, to do in the round is dance.

When dance and floor combine, which is a less common duality than many people realise, not even the relative position of the planets can save the kilted ones. The action of dancing, even performed well, can lead to a state of floor loss, frequently resulting in regret.

In this scenario, where dancing and floors exist as one, I would try not to be in the round, but rather sit around. Where ever I might be, even performing jury duty.

To put your previous query finally to rest, I would have to consider an evil willow/faith scenario the more favourable.

Happy now, are you, hmm, hmm?

Strangeness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. However, there isn’t a Kevin Spacey film by the name of American Strangeness, or Sleeping Strange. There is, however, Strange Days, which remains unpopular despite it being quite good.

I’ll not even mention Days of Thunder.

Only steam powered ells have the blood lust in them, electric ones will eat only hotdogs from stands down on the west side.

Damn fine dogs.

During the transitional period that the gubbins experience has recently endured, the attractive chick has been lost.

I did in fact nick the image from BME - that repository of images of pierced and tattooed folk, some of whom have hair.

I am he who is called Geoff!
Scourge of the unvarnished!
Runner up of wife of the year 1852!
Mighty warrior of Kent!

All of this and more, wrapped up in one chip fat scented package.

The London Underground, like any submerged mass transit system, exists outside the normal rules of gravity and the laws of motion. In fact, anything invented after the death of Issac Newton (Sir) fails to obey these basic and fairly useful guidelines.

Depending on the direction you’re facing in relation to the direction of the train’s motion, you either end up with a face full of cheese-puke or it speed off away from the delicate nose area, where smells are reported to your liver, and onto the Judge Jules Smellorium, where no less than one sense are detected.

It’s worth noting that any retch juice which falls onto a shoe in such an incident as you describe will, within two working days, form into a nice garden bench. So best to clean it off before that all important business meeting.

They find them wrapped in plastic, at least that’s how it was before these enlightened days of new fangled computers and this internet thing I keep hearing about.

Thousands of stubby fingered vixens would pack tens of copies of “Scandinavians Monthly - Incorporating Swedes weekly and Norwegians Quarterly” for the likes of you. Now all it takes is a shuffle through the likes of Google and you have dozens of arian goddesses waiting to read choice passages from C&VG while you stuff your face with batteries.

Your obsession for the easy life makes me sick. Get out of my bread shop, heathen!

Not when I speak the truth. Websites are either Dutch or not Dutch. There is no middle ground. Yours is Dutch, hence entirely Dutch.

The unholy fellowship of any combination of two or more items of cutlery should be cast down on sight, irrespective of the day, time or even weather. Go unto your task with unprecedented vigour, my child.