questions 191 to 200
question from Corby Hip’hop
Right at this very now, I am hanging topside down in a butchers window Recieving the bumming of a lifetime from a Hawwian gentleman who apparently
“loves me like a brother” ,
I lost my favourite Aunt in a hilarious car accident (you had to be there) and on the hour my hair catches fire for NO GOOD REASON. Am I suffering enough? or could you suggest some other sufferings to busy myself with?
“loves me like a brother” ,
I lost my favourite Aunt in a hilarious car accident (you had to be there) and on the hour my hair catches fire for NO GOOD REASON. Am I suffering enough? or could you suggest some other sufferings to busy myself with?
Suffering is a subject close to my tortured heart and embittered kidneys.
While widely advertised for artists (along with struggling), suffering is also of use for the general population who want to ride the highs of fortune and know what it means when they’re up there. Take Lily Allen. Preferably somewhere far, far away, but for now merely as an example of someone who causes undue suffering to others.
Indirectly, possibly unknowingly, she spreads out misery like Bono and George Cole, making all who experience her bland face and inane words somehow reduced. Take one of these people, transplant them bodily to somewhere fulfilling and worthwhile and their reaction to acceptable stimuli is greater than it would have been.
This works in a similar fashion for ITVs 1 to 4, Abrahamic religions and Drew Carey.
While widely advertised for artists (along with struggling), suffering is also of use for the general population who want to ride the highs of fortune and know what it means when they’re up there. Take Lily Allen. Preferably somewhere far, far away, but for now merely as an example of someone who causes undue suffering to others.
Indirectly, possibly unknowingly, she spreads out misery like Bono and George Cole, making all who experience her bland face and inane words somehow reduced. Take one of these people, transplant them bodily to somewhere fulfilling and worthwhile and their reaction to acceptable stimuli is greater than it would have been.
This works in a similar fashion for ITVs 1 to 4, Abrahamic religions and Drew Carey.
question from Matt & Luke Goss
Philip Olivier? Say you aint him! To my minds eye you are the bastard lovechild of Mr Burns and Quentin Wilson, sat upon a goldy throne fashioned from bakers skulls and out of date banger racing and opera programs. Say this is the case, or I will skim the milk way past semi!
What proof would my denial be? My words alone could never convince you of my Olivier-ness or otherwise. You could trust your instinct, but that’s no better than praying for divine guidance in what you may hilariously call a god.
What would you say to myself and someone else, in the same room, each claiming that the other is the mysterious Philip Olivier? Would that appease your endless sceptical nature? Well, it should not! For we could be lying and in, as the man says, cahoots.
The only way this argument will ever end is if you have some DNA evidence that you believe to be part of the true Olivier; which is like the true cross, only more wooden.
What would you say to myself and someone else, in the same room, each claiming that the other is the mysterious Philip Olivier? Would that appease your endless sceptical nature? Well, it should not! For we could be lying and in, as the man says, cahoots.
The only way this argument will ever end is if you have some DNA evidence that you believe to be part of the true Olivier; which is like the true cross, only more wooden.
question from Big Bob McGruder
Why Why Why? Delilah???
Delilah Smith, Delia’s half-sister of whom she doesn’t like to be reminded, can’t cook. She really is useless in the kitchen, at the cooking. Put her on a unicycle, and that’s a whole different matter. It would have to be a big kitchen with a lot of floor space and a very high ceiling, of course.
Okay, forget the kitchen.
In a unicycling and juggling contest, Mrs “I’m so great I only need a first name and I’m in the dictionary” Delia would look like the chump she truly is.
Okay, forget the kitchen.
In a unicycling and juggling contest, Mrs “I’m so great I only need a first name and I’m in the dictionary” Delia would look like the chump she truly is.
question from kevin kerr
hi philip i am one of your biggest fans i was wondering if i could chat to your on the addy i have give to you thanks very much its hotamil not hotmail i spellt it wronge
Listen to me, Kevin, and listen hard.
My biggest fans have the decency to at least correct their “addies” they have in times of incorrectly entering them. As such, you are clearly a tiny fan; akin to a sprite or leprechaun.
Having said that, I would be honoured if you chatted to my.
My biggest fans have the decency to at least correct their “addies” they have in times of incorrectly entering them. As such, you are clearly a tiny fan; akin to a sprite or leprechaun.
Having said that, I would be honoured if you chatted to my.
question from James
How many calories in a mouse
While I am not in a position, from a legal standpoint at least, to give an exact answer to this, I can say it’s somewhere between that of a small hazelnut and a woolly mammoth. Mice, do, indeed, provide a tasty snack for all those waiting for a train or in need of a small meal to keep you going until elevenses.
A more relevant question would be to enquire how many Carolines in a mouse. There are three.
A more relevant question would be to enquire how many Carolines in a mouse. There are three.
question from the regrub kid
In OZ, can an ute can a newt?
Could Canute?
Could Canute?
Canute was a brute, a coot and that you can’t refute.
question from Dave
I have been thinking (dont laugh) that instead of bothering to clothe my usual pissy drivel in the sparkling ballgown of a question, I should spend the lifetime of well loved family pet coming up with interesting words or combinations of words.(Some of shirtless col’s have gripped me and I refuse to hide my lighter under a bush any more.)
Cardboard box diving into pile of stuntmen.
Longshoreman regretting hasty decision.
Prizewinning marrow.
Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush in Shepards bush.
Basic freeview package causing family argument.
Lovesick pirate tracing heart in the sand.
Bucket of wasps.
Pat Cash denying request.
Huskey voiced sparrow.
Me in pensioner, looking at the beach.
The love of a good woman.
Fifty large, in unmarked singles.
Weightlifting ban being lifted.
Melon shipment being catalogued.
Ben Shepard’s habitat being mucked out.
Losing my religion,then finding it behind a radiator.
Miles and miles of carpet tiles.
Ellen DeGeneres bathing naughty Shitzu.
Remembering the old days.
Neil Tennant dressed as regency fop.
Erotic guitar peeking through curtains.
Regency fop dressed as Neil Tennant.
Unbareable disease eased by John Cleese on trapeze.
Brightly lit football stadium at night.
The approval of people you have never met.
I cant think of any more, also the weakest link is on.
Cardboard box diving into pile of stuntmen.
Longshoreman regretting hasty decision.
Prizewinning marrow.
Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush in Shepards bush.
Basic freeview package causing family argument.
Lovesick pirate tracing heart in the sand.
Bucket of wasps.
Pat Cash denying request.
Huskey voiced sparrow.
Me in pensioner, looking at the beach.
The love of a good woman.
Fifty large, in unmarked singles.
Weightlifting ban being lifted.
Melon shipment being catalogued.
Ben Shepard’s habitat being mucked out.
Losing my religion,then finding it behind a radiator.
Miles and miles of carpet tiles.
Ellen DeGeneres bathing naughty Shitzu.
Remembering the old days.
Neil Tennant dressed as regency fop.
Erotic guitar peeking through curtains.
Regency fop dressed as Neil Tennant.
Unbareable disease eased by John Cleese on trapeze.
Brightly lit football stadium at night.
The approval of people you have never met.
I cant think of any more, also the weakest link is on.
There’s only one thing in this world that’s more saddening than aping shirtless col, and that’s colling an ape, shirtlessly. You, sir, are clearly guilty of both of these most turgid of transgressions.
Mr Shirtless at least has the decency to wrap his listages, some say worthy of the late Clement Freud, in the form of a question. Just what do you expect me to do with a list of things? Without a query, I am nothing. Redundant. Flatulent. Basmatic. Portentous, perhaps, but otherwise unspectacular.
Well done for ringing the death knell of the third best thing ever to occur this side of the age of reason.
Mr Shirtless at least has the decency to wrap his listages, some say worthy of the late Clement Freud, in the form of a question. Just what do you expect me to do with a list of things? Without a query, I am nothing. Redundant. Flatulent. Basmatic. Portentous, perhaps, but otherwise unspectacular.
Well done for ringing the death knell of the third best thing ever to occur this side of the age of reason.
question from ratan
My imaginary girlfriend is addicted to shoes. How can I break her of this malevolent disease?
You might as well face it, she’s addicted to shoes.
Reasoning with her will have no help. Not that her footwear obsession is beyond all hope and help, but rather that she’s imaginary, you raggamuffin rapscallion whipper-snapper! For the love of all things unholy, give the lass a break and let her explore the options available to her very tootsies.
Unlike women, men have but two options when it comes to shoes: brown or black. As depressing as this is, look upon it as a blessing; young Cheryl (I have named her Cheryl, I hope she likes this name. Feel free to imagine something different if she’s more of a Roberta, Helen or Missy Elliot) must spend upwards of twelve hours each and every morning deciding on what size, shape and material her heels are made out of, and that’s one small part of the problem. Leather or patent? Suede or canvas? Fuck me or leave me alone?
Her troubles are endless.
Reasoning with her will have no help. Not that her footwear obsession is beyond all hope and help, but rather that she’s imaginary, you raggamuffin rapscallion whipper-snapper! For the love of all things unholy, give the lass a break and let her explore the options available to her very tootsies.
Unlike women, men have but two options when it comes to shoes: brown or black. As depressing as this is, look upon it as a blessing; young Cheryl (I have named her Cheryl, I hope she likes this name. Feel free to imagine something different if she’s more of a Roberta, Helen or Missy Elliot) must spend upwards of twelve hours each and every morning deciding on what size, shape and material her heels are made out of, and that’s one small part of the problem. Leather or patent? Suede or canvas? Fuck me or leave me alone?
Her troubles are endless.
question from a spammer
got spam?
No thank you, I’m driving.
However, I do got glint, milk and game.
However, I do got glint, milk and game.
question from Thurwin “apology” yokeljoke
Im awfull sorry for that one….seriously..Taxi?..I mean, if there was something I could do to take it back, as sure as eggs is chickens, I would do it. What happened is, My regular processes got caught up in the mechanism you see? and by friday morning Jesse and the gang had sold enough thin mints and dog wafers to go to Kevin Spacey camp.
Things can only get more better.
Things can only get more better.
Thin Kevin, camp dogs, Jesse eggs, what on the sweet Earth are you on about, Thurwin?!
Make no mistake about it, this is no place for shirkers, smirkers or Gurkhas. Nothing makes me angrier than James Blunt’s angry machine, which he has demonic plans of unleashing onto an unsuspecting world. Well no longer, Blunt! Your game is up. Shape out or ship up, Jimmy boy.
(Apology accepted.)
Make no mistake about it, this is no place for shirkers, smirkers or Gurkhas. Nothing makes me angrier than James Blunt’s angry machine, which he has demonic plans of unleashing onto an unsuspecting world. Well no longer, Blunt! Your game is up. Shape out or ship up, Jimmy boy.
(Apology accepted.)