mousehands : ask philip

Does being mugged count as injured? I had a terrible pain in my ankles and it made off with my shoes and my hat. Terribly funny in retrospect, as the hat was cursed and my shoes were made of whiskey.

You are safe. Relax. Take it easy. Your wife is only interested in your best interests. She is not the Devil. The Devil is your friend. The Devil does not like locusts. Trust the Devil. Trousers. Make time for your wife’s Devil trousers. Nigel Kennedy is not being threatened by your Devil’s wife’s bromide.

I hope this satisfies your concerns.

Nobody can drink a pint of Bovril!

That was no wind! That was… THE GHOUL!

I suspect that was just the wind. Wind can sound like that. And that. It takes all kinds of forms, from axe murderers to my old sparring partner Michael Redgrave.

There’s an unknown part of international copyright law that says that whoever produced the system used to record documentation of any kind owns all rights to the use and redistribution of that content.

For hand written or drawn creations, the manufacturer of the pen/pencil/yellow crayon and the manufacturer of the paper jointly own the copyright.

However, in terms of online journals, tracking the ownership becomes a terribly complex and mentally taxing operation. The producers of your computer hardware, browser software, operating system have a say, along with your ISP, the creators of the journal system, their operating system, the creators of the language their software is written in, the producers of the database, its operating system. Etcetera, etcetera.

Strictly speaking, the makers of the journal are correct in asserting copyright. But also sadly lacking in the full details.

How could I be related? You seem to be confusing me with Robert of Ask Robert fame. Down the hall, second door on the left. He’ll be able to tell you all about how all Roberts - the late Palmer, the hairy Winston, the dishevelled Llewellyn, the white faced Smith and the mass murdering Mugabe are all interlinked. Nothing they do - be it dropping dead unexpectedly, telling us about our bodies, presenting TV programmes from scrapheaps, warbling or killing foreign nationals - none of this is unsequenced or off their cuffs. Which are all from the same tailors - Robert Robertson, in Robertstown, Georgia. No, the other Georgia.

That’s not quite a question, I fear. Yes, it has the mark of a question at the end, something not all entrants seem entirely interested in, but it is more of a statement that’s unsure about its own validity. A statement in a job interview, perhaps, weighing up what the interviewer wants to hear, versus what it is really thinking.

That would be the 12 that be unanswered. Do you know where your towel is?